Turn around and face the change-cha-cha-changes!

So I have been absent from here for far longer than acceptable but I have had an awful lot going on in my life.
The biggest change has been I have started my new job! After three years of being a penniless student I have entered the big bad world of full time occupation. I am really enjoying it so far, it's in an area I really wanted to work in, the staff are all great and hopefully my first paycheck will be awesome.
The main problem is ,at times, I can suffer from a bit of social anxiety. It seems to have no pattern to it, with one group of people I have never met I can be outgoing, funny and chatty and then with a different group I am shy, timid and I think I come across as standoffish. I just find small talk really hard on occasion but just with certain groups of people. Does anyone else get like this or am I just a complete weirdo?

My mind is saying 'Please, please be my friend' but my face is saying ' Back off bitch, don't even think about talking to me'

So that's something I need to work on. All in all though it is going really well. I love that I feel like I can finally plans things and my days off are all mine to do what I want. When I was student I was either in placement or university so on days off I was always working to get some money. There were times I was working a sixty hour week. But now I am planning to make the most of having more free time, catching up with friends, joining a gym. I recently rediscovered my love of jigsaw puzzles so I've ordered a 1000 piece one off Ebay and can't wait for it to arrive. I am so rock and roll sometimes it hurts.

On another note I have given up smoking...kinda. I used to smoke about twenty a day which is ridiculous seeing as I'm only 24. I used to get out of breath just walking up the stairs and my bedroom and car stank of smoke. So I made the decision that new job= new Sho and put down the menthol's. I've been using the patches and gum and it's been OK so far. I've had a couple of slip ups. I'd say over the past four weeks I've ended up smoking about twenty. I had a really stressful day at work so bought a packet of ten and then had two nights out and ended up smoking while drunk. But I am not going to berate myself too much as it's still a lot, lot less then usual. I worked out I spent about £140 a month on cigarettes,  is it any wonder I was broke all the time?

However contrary to popular belief I don't feel fit and healthy. I wake up in the morning feeling like I've smoked fifty cigs and my skin is the worst it's ever been. My friend insists it's just the nicotine working it's way out of my system. I hope that's all it is and I'm not smoking in my sleep.

I do solemnly swear that I will not become a preachy ex-smoker when I do finally quit

And the final big news is that I have signed up for an online dating site and even went on a little date. But that deserves a blog post all of it's own. 

Stay tuned

S x

Kirtan, kircan, kircan't

Whilst in New York Momma B persuaded (forced) me to go a kirtan workshop with her.

(A little side note about my mother. She originally qualified as a social worker decades ago, but after she had my brother and I she decided to give up the social work. She thn set up her own company training people who work in the care sector, primarily with people with learning disabilities  Soon after she was made the Northern Ireland director of a large learning disability charity, had a great wage, all was good. Then for her 50th birthday she traveled to India on her own to attend a mediation retreat, came home and handed in her resignation on her well paid, respectable job and sank all her savings into setting up her own yoga and wellness centre.
She is a yoga and meditation teacher, a reiki master, teaches Art of Feminine workshops, organises psychic  nights and is inspirational. Also generally a big old hippy. I, on the other hand, am not. I never do yoga or meditation  so it was a big deal I went with her to this workshop.)

Momma B and I. Hideous photo- that girl in blue in the background totally photobombed us.

Anyway Kirtan is a form of call and response chanting, usually in the form of hymns in ancient Sanscript. The workshop was held Moshka Yoga Centre in downtown New York. This was a beautiful loft style space with candles and fairy lights everywhere. I picked a cosy, private spot over by the wall where I hoped no one would notice me. The lights dimmed and the performers began.
I was all set to make absolute no effort what so ever, fly under the radar and not really join in, but literally as soon as the first song started I was giving it stacks, clapping, singing along. Just making up my own words because I had no idea what we were meant to singing. I really, really enjoyed it (don't tell my mother she'll want me to go all the time when we get home)

Alright I wouldn't exactly have it blasting out in the car but it was very catchy at the time

There was one moment at the end where everyone one was lying on their backs listening to the performers when I realised that come next week I will be starting my proper grown up job. No more studying, no more summer breaks for two months. I will be a valuable member of society and honest to God I think I had a panic attack. I feel like for the past few years everything been on hold while I've studying but now I'm finished the rest of my life is beginning. It was a terrifying and liberating thought. This year I think there are gonna be some big changes to my life. And I can't wait!

S xx

I'm in a New York state of mind

Apologies for my absence, I slipped holding my laptop and the screen went a bit funky so I had to send it away to get fixed. It was a very dark time in my life having no internet. I took up knitting and successfully knitted a large square so at least I was productive.
But in exciting news I am off to the Big Apple tomorrow!
I am so ridiculously excited, I have never been to New York and it's a place I have always wanted to visit. The food, the fashion, the culture I can't wait to experience it all.

I'll be seeing you tomorrow big gal!

I'm leaving tomorrow and shall return on Wednesday night and hopefully I'll be starting my new job soon after, so everything is coming up Shona.

Obviously the main thing I intend on doing is shopping. I have about $600 spending money and I really don't know how far that is going to get me but my wish list is

1. Make up. I intend on hitting Sephora hard. We don't have one here in Northern Ireland and everyone raves about it. I really need a new foundation, some nail varnish, blusher, eye shadow. Well the list is endless. I think cosmetics will be the thing I spend most of my money on. I had a massive clear out of all old eye shadow palates etc that I don't really use so my make up table is looking decidedly bleak. So I plan on rectifying that.

2. Purse. Whenever I'm away on holiday I always seem to buy a new purse so it's become a tradition almost. I lost my last purse (which I got in Cyprus funnily enough) a few months ago and never bothered getting a new one. I just carried my debit card in my pocket which has resulted in me losing it at least twice and putting it through the washing machine once. If I need another replacement my bank is going to start charging me for them, so a new purse is a high priority.

3. Clothes. To be honest clothes are actually pretty low on my list, I intend on looking around some vintage shops and obviously visiting Bloomingdales and Macy's but there is actually nothing I really, really need at the moment. But I am a girl and that never stops us from buying new outfits.

I shall post all my buys whenever I get home, hopefully all in one piece. But I must dash it's 22.56, I leave tomorrow at nine and have yet to pack a single thing! The iron awaits me.

Toodle pips my chums! 

S x